There is a chipmunk that lives in the same trees I am camped under. And for some odd reason this little forest fellow loves to chirp and bark and squawk all day and night every hour or so. He does this so often, and frankly wakes me up so many times during the night that I have revoked my “no-kill” policy on wild life to seek out the destruction of this little wilderness prick. This article is dedicated to expressing (and maybe dissolving) my animosity with that chipmunk:

Bad Chipmunk

I tried to hurt you today, I admit it.
I threw those rocks hard and missed you 100 times before giving up,
Wish you would die so I could sleep peacefully at night.
What part of evolution gave you that piercing bark,
And why do you feel the need to torture the air with it this wasteful shrill?

In the world of tree-rodents are you a minstrel of peace?
Or have the other chipmunks left the trees in spite of your constant pinging in their ears?
Just as you do to my ears, and to my nerves.
And now my nerves petition to my brain – to kill you now.

Bark all day if you will, bark ALL DAY.
But STOP when the sun goes down.
Stop making noises at 3am, 4am, 5am, 6am…
12pm, 3pm… WHAT’S THE POINT!

Are you mad that my tent has been under these trees all Summer long?
Sorry, I’m not going to move it.
You have one thousand trees to go to, I have only one campsite I’m allowed to stay in.
That’s just the way it is.

Go away stupid chipmunk.
Squirrels are much better than you.
I don’t care how cute that stripe is down your back.
I’ll take a mono-colored gray squirrel ANY DAY over hearing you make your dastardly shrieks.

So go away, or face death.